I stopped being nurturing

The moment I stopped being nurturing towards grown ups was the moment they stopped being my ‘friend.’  And I’m okay with that. Because what life has taught me is that it is not my place to make people feel secure, comfortable and loved if they can’t do this for themselves. 

As an empath, people are naturally drawn to my maternal and caring spirit. I have this ability to make people feel deeply cared for and unfortunately this makes them build a codependency around me. As a matter of fact this pushes me further away as I once found it hard to establish healthy boundaries. I would often become easily drained by people and this would require me to take some space. Often times they would see this as detachment and me becoming suddenly disinterested. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I simply needed space. I cannot be everything to everyone when I have my own needs to fulfill.  

What I’m learning is this; 

I’m not here to be anyone’s crutch, and mind you although I am always the one to give a listening ear and show support to people, I am also learning that they should not depend solely on my enthusiasm as their only source of inspiration. 

It’s called emotional maturity and emotional boundaries. I’ve moved on in my journey and therefore I’ve outgrown my bad habits. Yes, giving people bad habits that creates co- dependency issues. I’m only responsible for my two children, Naha and Arie. Adults are responsible for themselves. I’ve built an emotional wall to not get wrapped in people’s emotional issues. While I am empathetic and compassionate, I am also learning to become dispassionate. This helps me maintain a healthy boundary between myself and others. 

The thing is this… many people carry their own emotional baggage BUT they prefer to use others as their emotional dump. They don’t plan on doing their inner work and cleaning out their lives. What I shall not be is an emotional dump nor a sounding board unless you are paying for the service I provide. 

I refuse to be of service to anyone if it will be a disservice to myself. 

The moment I stopped nurturing grown ups was the moment they stopped being my ‘friend’. I’ve stopped spoiling them and making their lives a priority in mine. They stopped checking on me because they EXPECT me to always be available to their needs. 

I hold no grudges against them however, I’m just not nurturing grown ups. 

Im teaching people to be responsible for their own lives. We all have our lives to live and we all have challenges to work through. Our friends don’t owe us free counseling services, a pity party nor do they owe us our time. Live and let people live! We can handle our own sh*t. After all this is what being a grown up is all about. 

Out with the old…..in with the new boundaries I’ve put in place between myself and others! Goodbye 2024! And thanks for the lessons and the wisdom gained! 

Nickler Dorville ❤️